I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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