I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
