he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
