when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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