I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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