My balls are so social today.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
