I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
