Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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