After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
