I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
