Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
