now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
