I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
