I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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