We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
