I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize