yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
