dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no you cant smoke seaweed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
