the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
