Already got asked if we're dating
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
