Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why are your pants in the freezer?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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