Got a toothbrush?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
