Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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