Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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