im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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