the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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