I looked at my own cervix.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
