the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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