My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
