My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
