do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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