i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
