If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
