You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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