Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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