Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
