ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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