Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
