My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
a search helicopter?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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