I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
