No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
