every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
