Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
