Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
