Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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