i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
