wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's shark week go big or go home
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
