wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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