I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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