Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
