can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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