Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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