I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
