Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
