You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
