mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
