if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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