At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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