If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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