Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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