Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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