I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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