and she was petting her beer can
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
