Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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