I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
