Where did you get a picture of my penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
