I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
