Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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