You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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