When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
